Light at the end of the tunnel....

Brayton had his scope this morning. Doctors said his airway looks great and he is ready to go for surgery on Friday! I have mixed emotions as I think about life without a trach. On one hand, I'm ecstatic! Brayton's voice will improve. We won't have to suction, carry bags, change ties, change trachs, or worry about water in the tub! We can go to the beach! And I can kiss his sweet little neck!!! On the other hand, I'm scared! I will no longer have direct access to his airway which means when he has a cold in his chest, I can't suction out the secretions. I will be worried his oxygen is dropping. He won't have his noisy machine when he sleeps which he is SO use to! What terrified me at the beginning has become my life. It's routine. We give a bath, clean his trach, change his ties, and put on a "nose" every night. In the mornings, we clean the trach, put on a "nose, " Brayton hides the "nose," we get a new "nose," then find the old "nose," and eventually get back to the nightly bath! Things will change. And change, although good, is frightening. I can't explain how grateful I am that trachs were invented! And I don't want to imagine what my life would be like had they not been!

Just about an hour ago, I gave Brayton a bath. Then Luke, Mrs. Jean, and I cleaned his trach and neck. After that, for what I hope is the LAST time, I took his trach out and put a new one in! I use to be so afraid of doing that especially after he turned blue on Luke and me when I couldn't get it back in. Now, after 2 years, it's simple! I want to remember that moment. I want to remember how God taught me to overcome my fears! I want to remember that from the first trach change to the last how much I have grown. I want to NEVER take life for granted, especially Brayton's, because I know how easily it can be gone. I want to remember that with God, I can do what I never thought possible! He alone is my strength and my rock!

I also never want to forget how many people have prayed for us and helped us! You guys are awesome! Even if I haven't thanked each of you individually, please know that I am so very thankful for each of you! 

As I look forward to Friday, I see a light, a new beginning. Things will change and I will overcome my new fears. I will remember all the lessons God has taught me and how precious life is. Today, I am thankful for answered prayers, but mostly for dark tunnels because without the dark tunnel, I would never truly appreciate the light at the end!

"You, Lord, are my lamp; The Lord turns my darkness into light." 2 Samuel 22:29