"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Ask my parents, nurses, doctors, Luke, or any other family member and they will probably tell you how amazed they were at how calm, cool, and collected I was during this whole ordeal. I had doctors and nurses tell me that I was so calm in the midst of all we were going through. I hate to admit this, but I was far from calm.
The night Brayton crashed, I was a mess until the nursing assistant grabbed me and prayed. Then and only then was I calm and able to take everything that was happening. My strength comes from the Lord. At my weakest moments, God makes me strong.
During days, God gave me the strength I needed to be strong for Luke, for Brayton, and for our families. I knew if I lost it, they all would too. I held it together and trusted in God completely to get me through it all.
At night, it was a different story. Every night, I argued with God, I cried, I prayed. I was so drained from being strong for everyone that at night, when it was just me and God, I didn't have to be strong. I let it all out. Each night, God helped me renew my strength for the following day.
I questioned God some nights... Why did he let this happen? After Brayton got the trach, I asked God how I was suppose to deal with not hearing my baby say "mama" or hear him laugh. How was I going to deal with not taking him to the beach his first summer which I have been planning since before he was born. How was Luke going to deal with not being able to take Brayton to dirtbike tracks? God's response, "I am here and he is here." The petty stuff I was worried about is nothing compared to knowing my baby is here in my arms. We can deal with the rest as long as he is healthy and God is there to lift us up when we are down.
God has also put people in our lives to help deal with the things we are facing. First, Luke and I are both blessed with Godly families who are there whenever and for whatever we need them. I can't express how thankful I am to have such a supportive and loving family. We are also blessed with some amazing doctors who are God fearing men. We have a night nurse who is an absolute God send! She takes care of Brayton at night for 8 hours, feeding him, filling his machines, suctioning him, reading to him and much more. Our friends and our community who have prayed and prayed and prayed. Mine and Luke's bosses for understanding when we need to be off and for coworkers who have helped in numerous way. God used friends to point me to Easthaven Baptist church where there is a sign language class so I can learn sign to teach Brayton so we can communicate. Even strangers, who have sent messages on facebook saying they are praying for us.
One thing I have learned is that prayer is super powerful! We have had people in so many states praying for our precious baby boy! Words can't express our gratitude. It is amazing how just a message from a stranger saying, "I am praying for you" can make all the difference in the world.
Thank you, facebook and blog followers, for your support! Each and every person who has helped us, prayed for us, and contacted us are God's way of helping us. You are all angels. We love you all!
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